🐝♥️🤘🏻 act ii - 3/29

my daughter just asked me today to pick one Bey song as my favorite. I said i can’t. i literally cannot pick just one. I couldn’t pick 10 favorites because i grew up with this lady in my ear. She’s been singing to me at my highest highs and my lowest lows. I feel her music in my soul. It’s always been a part of my life. I don’t know this woman personally, but i know what i have experienced in my life and how her music has been there with me through it all.. 

She’s been teasing a super bowl commercial all week but i didn’t expect this at all. When i first heard this song, 16 CARRIAGES, i immediately latched onto it. It took me back, home.. 

19 years ago yesterday i buried my father. 

2 years ago Thursday i buried my brother. 

1 year ago yesterday my cats died. this touched a nerve. 

my life is hard. i have worked my ass off to be who and what i am today. i have overcome obstacles meant to break people & half of it NOBODY even knows about. This song .. it opened my heart and took me back to a place i tried to escape for so long. My life growing up. Learning about life & dreams.. Love and working hard for what you want & choosing to put yourself first. Always feeling like you never have enough time for your kids. Missing them. Growing up way too fast. Seeing family problems play out in real time & watching your family fall apart. Taking care of sick parents & eventually burying them. Losing my brother. My brother.. the other piece of me. It was always just us two. I miss him. I miss my dad. I miss my mom. I wish i knew i was doing the right thing. That my legacy, my kids know they are so loved & i would give everything for them. That they grow into great people. That i am the best person, friend, partner, Mother i can be. I know my art is creating a world for my kids to be everything they’re meant to be and nurturing them. I know i have to put myself first & that’s why im single. I know nobody will love me like i love me & the same for my kids. I just think.. hope, i’m doing the right thing. 

So yea. This one really hits home for me & if i had to pick one.. this is that one. 🐝♥️🤘🏻 #foreverhive

 🐝♥️🤘🏻

Sixteen carriages drivin' away
While I watch them ride with my dreams away
To the summer sunset on a holy night
On a long back road, all the tears I fight
Sixteen carriages drivin' away
While I watch them ride with my dreams away
To the summer sunset on a holy night
On a long back road, all the tears I fight

At fifteen, the innocence was gone astray
Had to leave my home at an early age
I saw Mama prayin', I saw Daddy grind
All my tender problems, had to leave behind

It's been umpteen summers, and I'm not in my bed
On the back of the bus and a bunk with the band
Goin' so hard, gotta choose myself
Undеrpaid and overwhelmed
I might cook, clеan, but still won't fold
Still workin' on my life, you know
Only God knows, only God knows
Only God knows

Sixteen carriages drivin' away
While I watch them ride with my fears away
To the summer sunset on a holy night
On a long back road, all the tears I fight
Sixteen carriages drivin' away
While I watch them ride with my fears away
To the summer sunset on a holy night
On a long back road, all the tears I fight

Sixteen dollars, workin' all day
Ain't got time to waste, I got art to make
I got love to create on this holy night
They won't dim my light, all these years I fight

It's been thirty-eight summers, and I'm not in my bed
On the back of the bus and a bunk with the band
Goin' so hard, now I miss my kids
Overworked and overwhelmed
I might cook, clean, but still won't fold
Still workin' on my life, you know
Only God knows, only God knows
Only God knows

Sixteen carriages driving away
While I watch them ride with my fears away
To the summer sunset on a holy night
On a long back road, all the tears I fight
Sixteen carriages driving away
While I watch them ride with my fears away
To the summer sunset on a holy night
On a long back road, all these tears I fight

At fifteen, the innocence was gone astray
Had to take care of home at an early age
I saw Mama cryin', I saw Daddy lyin'
Had to sacrifice and leave my fears behind
The legacy, if it's the last thing I do
You'll remember me 'cause we got somethin' to prove
In your memory, on a highway to truth
Still see your faces when you close your eyes

Sixteen carriages drivin' away
While I watch them ride with my dreams away